How NOT to: :D

I noticed an advert asking for 'Witty Writers' to send a pitch to obtain 'top notch' professional freelance work. Feeling in a particularly cheeky mood I emailed this: 

Well, what DOES one put in pitch? It could be likened to an ad in the personals, but I hear now it's all in the translation. Initially I thought I would put: 'Beautiful, voluptuous, free spirited woman, approaching her 40s', but according to the unofficial 'Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ad's*' this would be read as: A 49 year old pathological liar who is very fat and possibly a junkie. Not nice, not accurate. So, I reconsidered .. keep it simple: 'Adventurous, open minded professional'. I popped through the internet looking glass to translate, 'Desperate, bitch who has slept with everyone'! 'Survey says 'Uh OH'. This just isn't working, so I've decided to go for honesty: 'Busty brunette writer, GSOH, NFOFD'. :D I hope that helps..! JULIA

* Link: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lvg/440674102.html