I started out working on some multimedia stuff ... typing in some research I'd done ages ago, but not added. It's been quite an emotional challenge this week. I've been accused of accusing others of 'bullying' me. In a lot of ways this is utterly hilarious, but you'd have to know me a lot longer to know why.
The strangest part of it is I haven't accused anyone of anything. I spoke in confidence (ha) to three people from Uni about issues in the group. Each one of them tried to tell me I was being bullied, but I told all of them, regardless of panic attacks I didn't feel I was being bullied. However, one or maybe all of these people have taken it into their own hands to misinform group members and say I have called them bullies.
So, without judge or jury I was sent to 'coventry', which actually is bullying. The best part of it (considering the course we're all on) is not one of the accused have asked me for my side of the story or tried to find out the facts. It's hilarious. However, as I seemed to have played the role of devil's advocate in this group the exclusion is text-book behaviour. Groups who have formed as a team in the way we did tend to stereotype those who appear opposed to any of the group decisions as 'weak, evil, disfigured, impotent or stupid'.
More importantly it has been valuable for me to be involved in a text-book example of Bruce Tuckman's model of group development. On a personal level I been reminded of one of my inner strengths, the ability to be an individual during times of conflict, 'like a sheep that's run the herd ... marching out of time'. I still don't lose sleep over whether I'm liked or not. Instead of feeling bullied as I'm 'supposed to' I feel freedom and a release from having to conform to the judgmental ridgity of the group norm.
The experience of working in this intense way has given me preparation for working as a freelance journalist. It can be a lonely job, working long hours alone, moving from one group of people to the next.
Final Note: Being part of a group can sometimes offer security, but can also be stifling. Being excluded from a group means never having to compromise unless you choose to. Now we are finished I don't have to worry about the 'group politics' or 'dynamics' again. I have traded certainty for uncertainty and the latter is (surprisingly) a happier place to be.
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